untitled

What manner of nightmare is this?
That on violent awakening I find myself once again at its start;
The sun stings my skin.
It's orange and red flames choke the burning sky;
this beach where the breakers roll in,
relentless and without mercy,
rush upon the land
like an invading army.
But not over sand, this beach is not soft and silky;
except where time has crushed and ground
the porcelain crockery to colorful
glass-like grains of shimmering prettiness.
These vessels once made in loving piety now
knives that assault the surf and sky.

There on the shore my feet have been ripped
and shredded by shattered beauty,
the fragments of teapots or plates once honored
in some faraway land.
My feet have walked in a circle, a circuit, from sunrise to sunset.
My bloody footprints extending back to remind of a journey,
some washed by the ocean's crushing hands.
I fall onto a rock and wait for you
but the gull's circling betray their allegiance,
and in mocking cries like dark birds of prey
over their carrion cast down their scorn upon me;
to pluck out the eyes from my head.
This an act of mercy, for at my petition they did it,
if only they would erase my memory with it,
or have the skill to rip out my heart through my pleading mouth.
But like Prometheus thus I am accursed to relive this moment again and again.
After unconsciousness to reawaken on this heartless beach once again seeing,
and to see what would break my heart,
cut my soul in half and
split my tongue.

Look and consider,
don't turn away from my suffering in disdain or disgust.
The heavy croak of dry tears in my throat,
as I plead for mercy on that bloodied rock,
the hollow and sticky tap of beaks picking at my hollowed eyes.
For as surely as the sun will sink below its rim
I will live to die again,
and with newborn eyes
behold that which will tear me asunder
from that no mercy is given.

untitled...

You once were the earth tree,
stretched to the sky,
holding the glorious sun in your hands
like the proud possessor of a glorious truth,
it burnt a hole in your hands.
Those things you believed
about the things you cared about the most
can no longer be held.

You once were the bird man
who flew high and higher still,
till encased in the light you reached out to find
space where there should have been an embrace.
You loved but the sky could not hold you
in her tender arms,
so she spat you back to the ground
where you lie in longing unfulfilled.

Alone
with nothing but thoughts,
head dull in pain and realisation,
heart bursting with a lament of loss,
but was it loss?
For to lose one must have
and now don't you suspect you never did.
Prone on the floor, hunched and cornered.
You held on for a moment
then deep a soft rising wave,
peaking without any way to
stop,
you sob.

Alas poor child, unconsummated and misunderstood,
you have no more faith,
no more tears.
You reached out for everything
for that is what you gave,
but in return all you get is to be part of...
not the uncompromising everything
that you so desired.
The balance is out,
your back is broken
and ground to dust
and ashes.

ride the earth, shoot for the sky

I ride the earth like a dragon.
I shoot for the sky in bliss.
As soon as I am in
the moment that I forget
my limitations
bold and unflinching,
like a god riding a lightening bolt across the sky,
then, I realise my binding,
my frailty.
I am broken.
I am bleeding.
I am grateful.
I am hopeful that I can let go
of all the things that bind.
How would I be if I would let me be.

Never too old for youth...

How has your mind been changed
by the slow decay time
has brought to you?
You used to think in invincible terms.
Your dreams hold no limits.
In terms of your abilities,
without
a doubt,
or a hesitating moment.
Now you doubt
all you once thought
to be real.
Everything you knew
as true.
All the hope you once had,
how sad
to find everything you thought
in the end to be
only the chemical snap, crackle and pop
inside your head.
All we have to defend our hearts
are the dreams we wrap around ourselves
to protect ourselves from the cruelty
that time and growing old brings.
Remember the boy
standing in the wind,
raised arms to the sky,
he thought that he could fly.

I'll keep moving forward one step at a time...

Will you remember,
or whilst you remember begin to forget.
Forget the things you hold dear,
and whilst you forget
the clouds roll near.
To cover, to hide.
The clouds are like the thoughts in your head;
that seek to cover and justify,
to placate the feelings of guilt.
Just know that
words may hide
but at times impulse betrays;
and there is no hiding from the bright sun that burns inside,
that strips away flesh from bone ,
and separates sinew from flesh,
that eye we must make peace with
for if we hide it will burn us.
But I will never judge,
nor carry hate.
My sadness is done,
my tears all cried.
For I have let go of wanting
what will not freely come to me.
For if it is not freely given then
it can not be equal to what I am giving.
I have found a love so deep and so wide
growing inside of me,
for everything
and everyone.
I have found peace in acceptance
and letting go.